Whenever I try to get in shape, it seems my husband does things to get in my way. He loves to keep M&Ms out where they're easy to reach. Why would he do this, and what can I do about it?

Not only do we find change frightening, those around us often do, too.

In my book Fattitudes I focus on self-sabotage as one of the most frequently overlooked and misunderstood factors in our current overweight epidemic. Self-defeating attitudes, or "fattitudes," often drive us to act against our desire to be healthy. We often pursue competing goals simultaneously, on the one hand wanting to lose weight, but on the other wanting to stay the same for a variety of hidden reasons. If that wasn't bad enough, sometimes our friends and family want us to stay the same as well, and their behavior can create obstacles not easily seen nor solved. In fact, many times those around us inflict their fattitudes on us.

How do you know if there's a saboteur in your midst? Sometimes they're obvious, and sometimes they're virtually invisible. Unfortunately there's no radar screen you can scan that would reveal the hostile blips in your zone, but you can usually identify saboteurs by monitoring their behavior. What do saboteurs around you do when you try to lose weight? There's a long list of red flags. Some common sabotage tactics include criticizing, withdrawing, becoming overly involved (or under-involved) in your diet or erecting other obstacles. Anytime another's behavior gets in the way of your success, there's a good chance assisted sabotage is at work.

Why would someone act this way? The simplest answer is that a saboteur may actually want you to remain overweight. For example, your partner feels less threatened about rejection or abandonment as long as you're thirty pounds heavier. Or, your weight problem serves as a convenient distraction from other problems in the relationship, so there's motivation for your weight to hang around. Finally, your partner or friends may be unmotivated to address their own weight problem, and, feeling shamed by your success, do things to derail your efforts.

Because social support is a key ingredient to changing any behavior, it's important to assess your personal network when you plan lifestyle modifications. Who are the genuine sources of support, and who aren't? If you identify saboteurs, what you do about them depends on the type of saboteur you're up against. Can the saboteur be changed or avoided? Often, the solution lies in confronting this person and telling them what you need. If that doesn't work, you need to protect yourself from this person's negativity, so that you don't lose sight of what you're trying to accomplish.

It's true that when we change, things change, and some of those around us may not be ready for those changes. Weight management is hard enough as it is; avoiding saboteurs is one way to even out the battlefield.

Here's a short list of tips for handling saboteurs:

1. Tune in to your support network and identify true friends and foes.
2. Ask for what you need and don't need.
3. Limit time with others if their behavior is a hindrance.
4. Avoid saboteurs who won't change their ways.
5. Keep focused on your personal goals.
6. Seek support from others facing similar weight challenges.