I have a teen daughter who has a suicidal friend. My daughter has asked me to help her help him. I've talked to this friend, and yes, I'm worried about him. I've spoken to his mother, who says he just needs to "grow up." Because he isn't my son I feel like it's out of my hands. I've made an appointment for my daughter to have counseling on how to handle her part of this. Part of me is proud of her, but part of me is worried for her too. Any advice?

--Linda

What a tough situation -- for you, your daughter, and her friend. And what a testament to the bond between you and your daughter that she came to you for help and you're helping her get it rather than downplaying her distress. Your daughter's therapist should be able to help her -- and you -- address how her friend's situation is affecting her.

I understand that the young man's situation feels out of your hands because you're not his mother. However, I'm concerned that he get the help he may need. While I can't predict the seriousness of his threatened suicide, suicidal thoughts and feelings should never be taken lightly. It's far better to err on the side of caution and take a suicidal individual to see a mental health professional qualified to assess the seriousness of the situation, than to risk the person attempting suicide -- or worse yet, succeeding at it.

You don't say how old he is, but I'm assuming he's under 18. If so, and he's still in school, please inform his school officials (especially the school counselor) of your and your daughter's concerns. They should be able to arrange an evaluation or a consultation with him and his mother.

You also don't mention whether the young man is interested or willing to enter therapy himself. If he is, his age may be an important factor in whether he can seek help on his own. In Tennessee, for instance, where I practice, a teenager age 16 or older can legally seek therapy on his or her own, without parental knowledge or consent. I don't know what the laws are in your state, but your daughter's therapist should know or be able to find out. If he's legally able to seek counseling on his own, but paying for therapy would be a problem, he should be able to obtain reduced-fee services at your local community mental health center. Again, your daughter's therapist may be able to recommend resources.